Jumping A Small Hurdle

Mark Kauffman of the U.S. Equestrian Team,  Pre-Olympic Practice 1968.
I thought this picture served as a great simile for this post.
 I am the rider, yoga is the horse helping me to face my own life hurdles.

After roughly 4 months of trying to develop an asana practice in the Ashtanga tradition. Consistently falling and getting back on the mat, I've opened the door into the standing postures of the primary series, padangustasana and pada hastasana. Or the first 2 anyway :-) 




Even though this may seem quite small as I was inhaling and raising my chest and then exhaling to fall deeper into padangustasana, I felt a sense of openness and progression that I can't really describe it completely in words. It felt like I had overcome an small hurdle of sorts, as if I had taken one step closer to facing fear in the face. 

As Kino moved forward into the third pose (on my lovely dvd that my Soul Sister gifted to me), Utthita Trikonasana A, I also realized that this is where I needed to stop for right now. Not only did I open the door to the next step in the primary series, I also opened the door to acceptance and embracement. I realized that even though its been a little over 4 months since I began this journey, I was exactly where I needed to be. At 5 Surya Namaskar A's, 4 Surya Namaskar B's, Padangustasana and Pada Hastasana. I needed to allow myself to truly "master" these poses before moving forward, along with adding the 5th Surya Namaskar B (Until one is practicing the entire primary series, the ashtanga tradition prescribes 5 Surya Namaskar B's instead of 3). It is not about doing the most poses or getting through the primary series as quickly as possible, but doing each pose as it was designed. 

Yoga and asana in particular, regardless of style or tradition, has never been about twisting your body this way or doing 18, 546 poses. It's foundation and premise has always been a mind, body, soul connection; allowing for one to recognize that the same issues you face on the mat reflect the issues you are currently or will face in life, that the same lessons, virtues and traits that you learn and need to practice asana are the same ones needed to live life fully, patience, acceptance, embracement, strength, courage and more. This is what asanas and the entire yogic system is all about. If you don't make this connection and continue to believe that asanas were designed solely for physical ends and looking good doing all kinds of crazy poses you will miss the bigger and most beautiful picture, you won't be able to experience all the benefits it has to offer. You wouldn't be allowing the yogic system to completely detoxify and purify you, the way it was intended to, both physically and spiritually. 

How does one know if they've "mastered" a pose or not? Does it entail being able to bend completely forward with your hands flat in forward bend or touch your nose to the ground in the first closing sequence posture or getting into padmasana? For me, the answer is no. I've realized that mastering in the sense of being ready to move the next pose in the sequence entails a certain level of fluidity and smoothness. As I was transitioning from Surya Namaskar A to Surya Namaskar B and then to my second and third Surya Namaskar B, I noticed quite a difference in my "performance" if you will. All 5 of my Surya Namaskar A's felt "effortless" for lack of a better word. My breath coincided with the movements. I didn't need extra breaths during the salute, nor did I need to take extra breaths between each salute. Everything flowed together seamlessly, my breath, my body, my mind were all one. I no longer needed mental cheerleaders to get me through it. 

But me and Surya Namaskar B still have some issues to work out. She still has the ability to beat me down and tear me apart after a few rounds. The first Surya Namaskar B is seamless. I go into strong, mentally prepared and my breath is one, but as I go into the second one, my breath begins to speed up and I just need more to make it through the next three. I have been holding off on adding the 5th Surya Namaskar B for fear that it would be just as sloppy as the others. I forgot that my Surya Namaskar A's have not always been so smooth. Only with time and consistent effort did they arrive at the level of fluidity that they are at today. I also overlooked that my first Surya Namaskar B is as smooth as a baby's bottom, this is proof that my entire Surya Namaskar B practice will not always be sloppy. It isn't fluid or smooth now, but with time it will be.  When I feel that it is to me and for me, I know I have mastered it. I will know that I am ready to move forward. For the first time, I'm able to accept this, without any judgement or criticism of myself. I'm right where I need to be in this moment, on this day, at this point in my journey and I'm actually....happy and at peace with it. I'm happy with me, right here, right now...