Anger & Surrender: An Evening Asana Session

*Just a little snippet of my yoga space from my evening asana session.
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Surrender...











God/The Universe/The Divine/Allah/Yahweh/Creator/Light whichever title or name you feel most comfortable with has a funny way of teaching you life lessons. I've realized this before, but I'm always thrown into a state of awe when God reminds me of it. I was reminded yet again tonight. This reminder though initially sparked anger. Instead of me allowing for the anger to blind me and completely miss out on this reminder. I did something else...

For the first time, I truly surrendered to life, to being, to what was going on right in front of me. I got angry, very angry. The type of angry that most people begin doing the stupid, vengeful acts that they regret as soon as they commit them...or don't. I got angry and usually I do stupid things, usually stupid things that only play out in my mind, because I'm not that bold to actually carry them out. Unlike any other time, except for this one time, I surrendered. Like truly surrendered to my anger, to my feelings. I not only surrendered to them but for the very first time...I owned them. 

For such a long time, I've tried taking the whole "my feelings aren't me" route and its obvious that that path is not for me or at least not in this stage of growth. Taking that route always resulted in suppression. This time I chose the path of acceptance. I got angry and instead of trying to tell myself that that anger was not me. I surrendered to my anger and recognized that it was me. I accepted that I am angry. I accepted and demonstrated that acceptance through a little venting and literally saying "I am angry." 

It does not end at acceptance. Only accepting anger does not allow for growth and reflection. Only accepting anger could allow for one to become comfortable and okay with being angry. Becoming detrimental to oneself and those around them. No...one must recognize, accept and deal with the anger and any other emotion. So I got on my mat. I dealt with my anger on the mat with every inhale and exhale, every chaturanga dandasana, every downward dog, every surya namaskar and every tadasana. I used yogic asanas to deal with my anger. 

And at the conclusion of my session. I let it go and gave it, my practice and my Self over to the unknown, to God. For the first time, I've truly realized what it means to surrender, to let go and truly flow. For so long, I equated flowing with not caring, as a passive act. But flowing is action at its core. It's actively recognizing the rocks in your path, accepting that they are not going anywhere as they are as much a part of the riverbed as water which is you, dealing and maneuvering around the rocks and moving beyond them. That is flowing and that is what I did tonight. 

I recognized. I accepted. I dealt. I surrendered....